Promise or the Promiser?

2 Corinthians 1:20-21 - For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "yes" in Christ. And so through Him the "amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us. (NIV)

Honesty hour, I have written and re-written this post three times, and every single time I let it sit in my brain and wait for this feeling I get when I feel like I've accomplished something amazing. Yet, that feeling hasn't come. God has been dealing with me over the past two weeks about something I have struggled with since I could remember.... waiting. That dreaded word is of the devil for someone as impatient I as I am, and yet, God is making it so very clear that He wants me to. Wait on what, you ask? I'm honestly not sure.

A little about me, I am someone who strives for perfection, but I am also a major procrastinator. I am someone who expects things to be done quickly and efficiently, so I am on many occasions very impatient. I am someone who gets discouraged easily when things aren't going exactly how I see they should, and often times they don't. For a very long time I have felt some kind of calling on my life to share the word of God, it's the only book (that isn't fictional) that I can sit down and completely understand. All of the thou's and thee's just some how make sense to me. So, when I felt like God wanted me to start up this blog I became very excited and I took it that information and ran with it, without waiting on Him to tell me more.

Two years ago was during a time in many people's lives that it just seemed like we couldn't catch a break. Covid, elections, riots, conspiracies, fear, etc. And for me, I was in a mental state that was all but stable. So, when God gave me this promise, I was excited and I wanted to start on it right away. I wanted to build the website, I wanted to promote it, I wanted to write all of the things. I very quickly found out that I was not in the position to do any of that. So, I hid the promise in my mind (thinking of it often) and waited till I had more time.

So, I tried the next year. 2021. It was during summer, everything was going well. I had a job and was on track to graduate with my Master's the next year. I remember vividly, I was sitting on my couch and grabbed my computer and just started to create a website for my blog. Again, very quickly I realized that even though I had the time, I did not have the ability to do it. Frustratingly, I put the computer aside and just carried on about my days, thinking that the promise was a very distant goal.

When I went to write this post the first time, I asked God what was different about me this year than last year. I didn't feel different. I didn't look different. What changed from last year to this year? And He gave me a word that I had studied and written about back last year. Limitations. I really didn't understand what exactly that meant, because as far as I knew, I wasn't trying to limit God, or myself. And He explained to me that, even though I was pursuing the promise that He gave to me, I was limiting His ability to teach me something by taking matters into my hands. I took the promise and ran with it, without considering the one who gave me the promise. I wasn't allowing God to bless me with the promise, I was taking His promise and trying to bless myself. I wanted something so badly to distract me or to fill my time that I had laser focus on my promise, instead of God.

He explained to me that the reason He gave me the opportunity to start this up this year was because I wasn't focusing so much on the website. I wasn't doing it to fill space, or to distract me from the world; I was doing it because I wanted to share my journeys with you. When I sat down to create this website, it took me a night to complete. When i sat down to write my first blog post (which i had written and re-written several times over the course of 2 years), it took me less than an hour. It wasn't me just somehow having all of these graphic design abilities, or somehow having amazing grammar, it was God guiding my hands and showing me what to click and how to structure a sentence. I finally wasn't so caught up in making the promise happen; instead, I was content with where I was, where God was leading me, and what I was learning from Him.

I know waiting is hard. I know patience is hard. It wouldn't be a fruit of the spirit if it was easy. Truth is, we can't do either one of those things without God. Well, I mean we can wait for something to happen, but without patience it is going to make that waiting miserable.

I want to challenge you instead of wondering when that prayer will be answered, to take a moment to realize who is going to answer it. I just finished a bible study on Habakkuk, and a major theme of that book is waiting for a promise. Judah was in the midst of losing their land, and God seemed to be far out of sight; Habakkuk pleaded to God, and God explained to him that even though there will be a battle, there is something coming that will be far greater. God revealed Himself to Habakkuk, and Habakkuk realized the God that he served. A just God, an everlasting God, a warrior God, a loving God. The last part of the bible study stated something so beautiful that I think can apply to everyone. Habakkuk came to God with a "where are you? and what if we lose?" and by the end of the book Habakkuk was saying "even if I don't always feel you, or even if we do lose, You are still a wonderful, merciful God, who is sending us a promise." So, even if your prayer isn't getting answered, or even if your promise is seemingly really far out of reach or even if you're waiting on a promise not yet revealed to you (like myself), my challenge to you is to praise the God who gave it to you.

Last thing, I want to go back to that verse at the very beginning, no matter how many promises He has made, it is already "yes" in Christ, thus "amen" is spoken through Him. Amen meaning it is finished. God has already given that promise, you can't hide from it, run from it, take it as your own; God has already given it to you and anointed it for you, but don't get so blinded by that promise that you forget Him. Allow Him to show you what to do with it, and how to go about pursuing that promise. When He reveals that promise to you, say thank you and amen. Allow God to open those doors for you in His time.

Thanks for reading,

Em